Monday, December 08, 2003
//checklist for users
I am userblind.
I've never met anyone who's colorblind. It must be really annoying to have never seen the teapot in that colorblindness test all your life.
Some people are born colorblind and they can't do anything about it. User-blind people like me, never realize it until it hits them.
Last weekend, it hit me. And the feeling really sucks. Someone whom I've always thought to have some cosmic connection with, completely destroyed any affection I had for her, because of one stupid lapse.
Strike three.
I'm no longer putting up with her crap.
Which is bad news for her, because she just lost any possible use she could have out of me.
I was userblind.
Not that she already did use me, but she could have. Hey, she was a couple of weeks away from plucking me out of my precious weekend sleep, just to help her pick out some stupid decoration that she wanted for her bedroom.
Here's my checklist for users.
1. Be friendly. Be VERY friendly.
2. Oh, and always remember, they're not resources. They're "friends."
3. Does one of your "friends" appear infatuated with you? Feed his illusion. He'll be useful for something, eventually.
4. Remember: everyone is always useful for something.
5. Laugh at their jokes. Laugh hard if you must. Make them think you're having a great time.
6. Be wittingly unavailable. Don't return messages if it is not to your advantage. Is your "friend" running to you for help? Make up an excuse.
7. Promise your friends to show up, but don't. Be consistently late. This will send them the message that you probably won't be there when you need them. Or you'll be late. Hey, they don't use you. You use them.
8. Does your "friend" have friends? Be friendly with them. Follow guidelines above.
I'm no longer userblind. I can see her clearly, and she's not a teapot hidden in the circular specks of red, blue and green. She's that sweet little thing laughing hard after you crack a joke. Only, it wasn't the joke. You are the joke.
|
I've never met anyone who's colorblind. It must be really annoying to have never seen the teapot in that colorblindness test all your life.
Some people are born colorblind and they can't do anything about it. User-blind people like me, never realize it until it hits them.
Last weekend, it hit me. And the feeling really sucks. Someone whom I've always thought to have some cosmic connection with, completely destroyed any affection I had for her, because of one stupid lapse.
Strike three.
I'm no longer putting up with her crap.
Which is bad news for her, because she just lost any possible use she could have out of me.
I was userblind.
Not that she already did use me, but she could have. Hey, she was a couple of weeks away from plucking me out of my precious weekend sleep, just to help her pick out some stupid decoration that she wanted for her bedroom.
Here's my checklist for users.
1. Be friendly. Be VERY friendly.
2. Oh, and always remember, they're not resources. They're "friends."
3. Does one of your "friends" appear infatuated with you? Feed his illusion. He'll be useful for something, eventually.
4. Remember: everyone is always useful for something.
5. Laugh at their jokes. Laugh hard if you must. Make them think you're having a great time.
6. Be wittingly unavailable. Don't return messages if it is not to your advantage. Is your "friend" running to you for help? Make up an excuse.
7. Promise your friends to show up, but don't. Be consistently late. This will send them the message that you probably won't be there when you need them. Or you'll be late. Hey, they don't use you. You use them.
8. Does your "friend" have friends? Be friendly with them. Follow guidelines above.
I'm no longer userblind. I can see her clearly, and she's not a teapot hidden in the circular specks of red, blue and green. She's that sweet little thing laughing hard after you crack a joke. Only, it wasn't the joke. You are the joke.
Comments:
