Wednesday, June 19, 2002
Floppy Divac
Last night, I spent most of the evening playing NBA 2k2 on Sega Dreamcast. Was using the Sacramento Kings, and I almost won off an offensive foul called against Steve Smith driving through Vlade Divac. One minute Vlade was aggresive, and as Smith came driving, he floppped and got the offensive foul call. Too bad Mike Bibby didn't sink the potential game winner.
Last night I think I pissed off a friend. I don't exactly know why, I have an idea why, but I guess that's the same reason I wasn't able to get the signals all those girls have been trying to send me throughout my college days. I was too dense, still am. Always will be. I still believe on the dogma that "assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups." I assume I said something wrong to her. And although I still don't understand her reasons, I apologized and sent her pieces from our favorite poet.
Yesterday, I got pissed off by someone from work. I emailed a response to him, emotionless, cold, almost ruthless. This morning, I can't even stand the air of conflict between us. The other day, a mechanical engineer and an electrical technician were arguing about a motor. It almost caused me a nervous breakdown. can't stand the conflict, itching to be the mediator, the peacemaker that I have always been.
Five years ago, some girl broke my heart. I grieved terribly, as if all the misfortunes of the world suddenly collapsed and cascaded to trample my heart to pieces. A week later, I called her up, and when she asked me to forget her, said no. I told her, with all certainty and anger and pain and turbulence, that I never will. I will always harbor my hatred and never forget what she did to me. Last week, we were texting, emailing, doing all I can to help her with her woes, even as she's married. I've forgiven her, and in fact, still giving so much of myself to the one person who has hurt me so much.
Today is my dad's birthday. Two years ago, I was hating him for deserting his responsibilities as a father. Today, it hurts me to remember that he's alone, now that we've deserted him. How I wish this day would just pass, so I won't be harboring all the guilt and pity I now feel with the complexity of our situation.
Two days ago, I was writing about contemplation as crap. Today, I'm contemplating. Dissecting the intricacies of life's ironies, and the turning points of fate.
Divac flopped. I flopped. Divac's team lost the game. Am I going to lose the game as well?
Not if I make the fates flop.
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Last night, I spent most of the evening playing NBA 2k2 on Sega Dreamcast. Was using the Sacramento Kings, and I almost won off an offensive foul called against Steve Smith driving through Vlade Divac. One minute Vlade was aggresive, and as Smith came driving, he floppped and got the offensive foul call. Too bad Mike Bibby didn't sink the potential game winner.
Last night I think I pissed off a friend. I don't exactly know why, I have an idea why, but I guess that's the same reason I wasn't able to get the signals all those girls have been trying to send me throughout my college days. I was too dense, still am. Always will be. I still believe on the dogma that "assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups." I assume I said something wrong to her. And although I still don't understand her reasons, I apologized and sent her pieces from our favorite poet.
Yesterday, I got pissed off by someone from work. I emailed a response to him, emotionless, cold, almost ruthless. This morning, I can't even stand the air of conflict between us. The other day, a mechanical engineer and an electrical technician were arguing about a motor. It almost caused me a nervous breakdown. can't stand the conflict, itching to be the mediator, the peacemaker that I have always been.
Five years ago, some girl broke my heart. I grieved terribly, as if all the misfortunes of the world suddenly collapsed and cascaded to trample my heart to pieces. A week later, I called her up, and when she asked me to forget her, said no. I told her, with all certainty and anger and pain and turbulence, that I never will. I will always harbor my hatred and never forget what she did to me. Last week, we were texting, emailing, doing all I can to help her with her woes, even as she's married. I've forgiven her, and in fact, still giving so much of myself to the one person who has hurt me so much.
Today is my dad's birthday. Two years ago, I was hating him for deserting his responsibilities as a father. Today, it hurts me to remember that he's alone, now that we've deserted him. How I wish this day would just pass, so I won't be harboring all the guilt and pity I now feel with the complexity of our situation.
Two days ago, I was writing about contemplation as crap. Today, I'm contemplating. Dissecting the intricacies of life's ironies, and the turning points of fate.
Divac flopped. I flopped. Divac's team lost the game. Am I going to lose the game as well?
Not if I make the fates flop.
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