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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

//angels in our home  

NOW here's one thing about me. I come from a family that's been broken apart, having been estranged from my father for several years now. I have sinced with my sister, two brothers, and my mom in a house we cannot call our own. We are a family that has never enjoyed the finer things life has to offer. To us, happiness was being together on a Friday night as Bal David sinks a buzzer-beating game winner for Ginebra. To us, a weekend getaway was driving to Calamba for a dip in this one public resort we always come back to, the one where my parents took me daily for my therapy after my close call with polio. The only time I spent time alone with any of my siblings was when I'd play a game of one-on-one basketball with any of my brothers, or taking the bus home from Manila with my sister.

Our family has gone through so many pains, heartaches, challenges, and from those tumultous times, so many things have changed. If there was one thing I have always been thankful for, it was the fact that none of us ever went astray. We all have stable jobs now, and we take turns taking the family out to dinner at Dampa.

But the most important blessings we have received so far came in installments. The first one in 1999, right after I graduated from college. His name is Mark Jared. Almost my namesake, he was the most special to me. Stuck at home trying to concentrate on my board review, I had to balance between my books and babysitting him. My older brother, and my sister-in-law are nurses, and they couldn't afford to employ a yaya at that time. By the time Red was starting to walk, I was an expert at changing diapers, preparing the right formulation for his milk, and making him fall asleep on my chest as I lie down reading my reviewers.

Kaye came next. I can still remember the first time I met her. Peacefully sleeping in her crib, my mom picked her up and showed her to me as I practically crashed through the doorway one Saturday in February 2002. My mom, curiously, presented her to me while making a "tada!" sound as if she was a pigeon she pulled out of a hat. From that day on, Kaye was the most frequent visitor of my bedroom.

Seven months later, Bea and Green came three days apart. Bea has my grandfather's eyes and had features of a baby version of my younger brother, while Green is a clone of my older brother. Bea was so hard to please, which makes it such an overwhelming experience to be able to cradle her in my arms without her protesting. Green is mysterious, quiet, and almost stoic. Making him smile can just take your breath away.

Last December, Lance was born, and completed the current cast that made up our family. One can't help but see an athlete in him, having features that reminds you of your classic quarterback in those teenie-bopper american movies.

The size of our family practically doubled over the past 5 years. Having been blessed with 5 little angels, there is so much love, so much happiness in our family that we just might have to move out soon, because that house we couldn't call our own, is just too small to contain all the joy.

Now I might not be the luckiest person in the world when it comes to romantic love. But have I learned that the purest form of love is best experienced at home, watching my 5 little angels play, and having them sleep beside me at the end of the day. And it is during those moments, feeling the gentle, peaceful breathing of a child sleeping under my protective embrace, that I feel that I am capable of experiencing love, in its truest, unconditional state. It's like being touched by an angel.


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Monday, March 22, 2004

the coupland effect  



WE RARELY PAY ATTENTION to it, but each day is an anniversary for an event in each of our lives.

Which now leads me to wonder what it would be like to travel back in time and look at myself, as I used to be, at one particular point in time. Just be an invisible observer, and just watch the younger version of myself. Watch myself and try to capture a complete snapshot of you at that one insignificant moment in your past: what my dreams were, what used to make me smile, drive me nuts, or make my hands clammy.

If i were transported fourteen years back in time, I'd be watching a more fiery version of me. Short tempered, arrogant yet bit scared deep inside. I'd be looking at a twelve year-old boy, head resting on his right arm as he sits on sprawled on a table, his typewritten speech on his left hand, trying to memorize his valedictory address. Cramming, as he will always be for the rest of his young life. Now this boy, he's on top of the world. And he has more dreams that anyone lifetime could ever achieve. He wants to be a rock star. He wants to be a nuclear scientist. He wants a big house, a fancy car, a lovely wife and beautiful kids when he grows old enough. He believes he has what it takes. He believes he has the talent, the brains, the gift. He believes that someday, he'll end up marrying his school bus seatmate (whom he never had the guts to talk to, by the way, because he just isn't good looking enough. Yet.) and even if it doesn't happen, he believes that there's someone else who's being prepared for her. He believes this girl will look like Phoebe Cates.

He believes.

Three months later, this boy will move to the big city, to a new school, where life will start to unravel before him, and where reality will slowly take the place of what used to be a cup overflowing with dreams.

Four months later, this boy will be sitting in the pavement, looking above the moonlit sky, wearing his first long-sleeved shirt and clip-on tie, holding a slightly neglected long-stemmed rose, ignoring the soft music playing inside the school cafeteria. On a night where everything was supposed to be perfect, the boy will meet his first frustration, being too short to be paired to any of the girls, and he will lose his first battle with reality.

I will never remember exactly where or when, but after summer, when the rains start to fall, I will wake up to the anniversary of the day when life started to defeat my innocence.



I guess I have lost that capacity to believe in anything. Two Saturdays ago, I took a ride around our with my friends on a speedboat, and I asked God to "please send us dolphins..." The dolphins didn't come. It made me realize that some things are just aren't meant to be. That there is no point in hoping for things that aren't meant to come. Because if they are meant to happen, then you don't have to spend so much effort trying to have faith in it in the first place. I'll just take on life as it is, and accept whatever comes my way, no complaints, no frustrations, no broken dreams.

It must be the Coupland effect.


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Thursday, March 11, 2004

marine life fichures  

Two weeks ago, my aqua one dive group trekked to Western Batangas to help build artificial reefs in Calatagan.

Here we are! Sorry, but the only marine life you'll find here are the type that gets drunk after a day of diving. =D

nice sunset!


we call this the hallmark card shot



our group the mroning after having too much alcohol


i'm in a rush right now, so i'll be updating this post later... =)








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PEYUPS OLDIES!  

A couple of months ago, i met up with online friends from peyups, and got surprised that the most of faces behind the names are actually old acquaintances from Molave and Pisay. We had dinner at Chocolate Kiss at the Bahay ng Alumni, where just_shoot_me and i actually made a plan on how we'll break the celebrity couple of Jericho Rosales and Cindy Kurleto for our own gain. Of course, we chickened out.

This particular group is more popularly known in the forums as the OLDIES.


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