Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Alive
I was wallowing through my day, and somehow, my mind drifted away and led me back to my blog. Browsing along my own thoughts, I realize that it has been SEVEN months since I've written anything of substance in this journal. The past six months, things have changed, reconcilations were made, friendships broken, colors have shown their truths, and I've grown an incremental, but substantial amount of understanding of the whats, the whys and the hows.
Half a year changes a lot in people. A small span, an insignifcant amount of time, when compared to an average lifetime, but still, people and events that are sure to take their places in the scrapbooks of my mind.
For instance, I've learned that Christmas can take on so many meanings to each individual. I've learned that Christmas is about celebrating the blessings I that have come my way in one year's time. All my past Holidays pale in comparison to this one, for as I sat beside the last last Christmas tree, I had my nephews and nieces, cuddling up beside me. Across the room, my mom, who still bears the scars of a bad marriage, is having the best time of her life, watching her children, and her newly-found treasures, 4 lovely grand children born from my three siblings. the evening wasn't about getting what i wanted for Christmas. It was about being home for Christmas. It was about feeling love grow from within our very home, growing with every laughter we share, with every step that a young pair of feet makes.
Summer was equally unforgettable. In one brief, unexpected and totally unplanned twist of fates, I learned that love is abundant, and although one can choose to give love freely, it should never be taken and expect it to be free. I have come to the realization that people will forever come into our lives every day, and some of them will walk with us as we walk towards the light. But only a rare few will see us as THE light that guides them away from the dark.
When I started writing this piece, I wanted to write about how my absence written thoughts and emotions are testament to the fact that for seven months, I have been physically present, but emotionally lost at sea. Now, I've learned that it was the other way around. I was only away for awhile, and I was out exploring the world as I have never seen it before. I thought I was dead. In fact I was just too busy being alive.
I was wallowing through my day, and somehow, my mind drifted away and led me back to my blog. Browsing along my own thoughts, I realize that it has been SEVEN months since I've written anything of substance in this journal. The past six months, things have changed, reconcilations were made, friendships broken, colors have shown their truths, and I've grown an incremental, but substantial amount of understanding of the whats, the whys and the hows.
Half a year changes a lot in people. A small span, an insignifcant amount of time, when compared to an average lifetime, but still, people and events that are sure to take their places in the scrapbooks of my mind.
For instance, I've learned that Christmas can take on so many meanings to each individual. I've learned that Christmas is about celebrating the blessings I that have come my way in one year's time. All my past Holidays pale in comparison to this one, for as I sat beside the last last Christmas tree, I had my nephews and nieces, cuddling up beside me. Across the room, my mom, who still bears the scars of a bad marriage, is having the best time of her life, watching her children, and her newly-found treasures, 4 lovely grand children born from my three siblings. the evening wasn't about getting what i wanted for Christmas. It was about being home for Christmas. It was about feeling love grow from within our very home, growing with every laughter we share, with every step that a young pair of feet makes.
Summer was equally unforgettable. In one brief, unexpected and totally unplanned twist of fates, I learned that love is abundant, and although one can choose to give love freely, it should never be taken and expect it to be free. I have come to the realization that people will forever come into our lives every day, and some of them will walk with us as we walk towards the light. But only a rare few will see us as THE light that guides them away from the dark.
When I started writing this piece, I wanted to write about how my absence written thoughts and emotions are testament to the fact that for seven months, I have been physically present, but emotionally lost at sea. Now, I've learned that it was the other way around. I was only away for awhile, and I was out exploring the world as I have never seen it before. I thought I was dead. In fact I was just too busy being alive.
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